Working Girl SCENE 1 Cyndy Happy Birthday dear , Happy Birthday to you! Did you make a wish? Tess Yeah. SCENE 2 Tess No lunch. I got speech class. Cyndy What'dya need speech class for? You talk fine. All right. I'll pick you up at 5:00 and we'll ride back together. Tess I can't. I've got an Emerging Market Seminar at 5:30. Cyndy Geez, it's your birthday! Can't they merge without you just this once? Tess What time is my surprise party? Cyndy What? Tess C'mon. Cyndy Ah, I'm supposed to take you to drinks, have you home at 7:00. Tess Okay. I'll cut out early and be home at 7:15, okay? Cyndy All right. Tess Thank you very much. SCENE 3 Woman Hi Tess! Tess Good morning...Good morning....Mr. Turkel's line. Um, who's calling, please? Hold on a moment. Mr. Lutz? Mr. Lutz No. Tess Um, hold on a second, all right? SCENE 4 Tess Mr. Turkel? Mr. Turkel? Mr. Turkel Huh? Tess Um, Mr. Alagash...Hi....Uh, Mr. Alagash is on the phone and he's real, real anxious to talk to you. Mr. Turkel You couldn't maybe get him to hold for a minute?! Tess Well, you got him in Dentitech, remember? The one I told you to go short on? And it's fine, but he don't want to hear it from a secretary. Mr. Turkel There's no paper! Tess What? Mr. Turkel There's no goddamned paper in this stall! Get me some?...Thanks. You're very kind. Tess You're short on Dentitech at 18 and he'll be right here. SCENE 5 Tess See Dentitech closing at 17 and an 1/8? Come Monday I'll bet it's 16 and still sittin' there. Mr. Lutz How do you figure? Tess Well, they went public at 23 with one product, plaque removing mouthwash. You know, you rinse, you get this glob of plaque you gotta spit out. I mean, maybe it'll be big, but I say that no one ever got rich overestimating what the American public wants to taste. Mr. Lutz Maybe. Mr. Turkel Uh, before I run Tess, I have some good news and some bad news. The straight shot, Tessy, is...they turned you down for the Entre Program again. Tess Why? Mr. Lutz We did all we could, Tessy. Man I mean, you have to remember, you're up against Harvard and Wharton graduates. What do you got, some night school, some secretarial time on your sheet? Mr. Lutz Christians and lions, Tess. Man That's right. Tess And the good news? Man Uh, Dave has a friend. Mr. Lutz Bob in Arbitrage. You're so hungry, they're looking for hungry down there! Tess Really? Mr. Lutz Well, hungry is the name of the game down there! Bob's looking for a new assistant and wants to meet you for a drink. Tess This isn't another set up? Mr. Lutz Do I look like a pimp? Bob says he's looking for hungry, I think to myself, "Tess." The rest is up to you! Tess Bob in Arbitrage. Mr. Lutz Bob Speck. Extension 256. He's expecting your call. Go get 'em Tessy! Women Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Man Oh no! You should have told us! Congratulations, Tessy! Women Happy Birthday dear Tess, Happy Birthday to you! Tess Thanks. SCENE 6 Tess Mick? People Surprise! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! SCENE 7 Mick You look great!...Come here. Tess You know Mick, just once I could go for like a sweater or some earrings, you know? A present that I can actually wear outside of this apartment. SCENE 8 Tess So, is this where you usually meet for drinks? Bob Hmm, this is a big week! It's a super week! We are celebrating! Tess So, Arbitrage. Talk about adrenaline, huh? What do you think is the most important quality for a great Arbitrager? Bob Well, we'll go through all that at the hotel. Tess The hotel? Bob Yeah, the company keeps a suite at the Ritz Carlton, and you know, when it's empty, they give to us boys on a bonus basis-- Woah! We are gonna party! Tess Hey! Bob Oh, sorry! Allow me, I'm so sorry! Tess Hey Bob! Please! Bob Oh, sorry, sorry! I just get a little carried away. You know what, Arbitrage has put out this sort of "Introduction To" tape for the business schools. Why don't we put it in and if you have any questions... Tess That would be great. Thanks. Bob Ha! Ha! Ha! It's the wrong tape! Uh, unless of course you want to.... Tess Bob, you're not seriously looking for a new assistant, are you? Bob Well, not exactly at this moment, but I'm always on the lookout for new blood. Tess I'm hungry Bob, but I am not that hungry! Bob Now, you see, I wouldn't put it that way. Tess I would! Um, would you just pull over right here please! Bob What are you doing? Tess Ha! Ha! Ha! Party Bob! SCENE 9 Mr. Lutz You're late Tess! Tess Types message: "David Lutz is a sleazoid pimp with a tiny little dick." Mr. Lutz Bitch! Mr. Turkel Take it easy! SCENE 10 Ruth Tess. Tess. Tess. Tess I know. Ruth You don't get ahead in this world by calling your boss a pimp. Tess Well, he is. Ruth Been lookin' at your file here. This is the third time in six months I've had to place you. Tess Well, it wasn't my fault. Ruth Where have I heard that before? Tess Ruth, look it. I'm 30-years old. It took me five years of night school but I got my degree and I got it with honors. I know I could do a job. I mean, you ask any of my bosses--even, even Lutz--if Tess McGill hasn't called a few. Ruth You ask them. I don't think they're gonna sing your praises, Tess. Here's somethin' for you. Transferring down from Boston. Mergers and Acquisitions. Name is Parker. Starts Monday. You go home and cool off. Tess Okay. Ruth Tess. This is the last time I can help you. Four strikes, you're out. SCENE 11 Tess Tess McGill for Katherine Parker's office. Woman It's the last desk...at the end of the aisle. Katherine Hi. I'm Katherine Parker. You must be Tess. Tess Right. Katherine Oh, great bunny! Tess Um, I don't usually have a bunny on my desk. It was my birthday a few days ago. Katherine No kidding? Mine's next Tuesday. How old? Tess 30. Katherine Really? Well I'll be 30 next Tuesday. We're practically twins. Tess Except that I'm older. Katherine Just barely. Tess I've never worked for someone who is younger than me before. Or for a woman. Katherine Well, there's a first time for everything. That's not going to be a problem, is it Tess? Tess No. Katherine Good. Why don't you pour us a couple coffees and come on inside. I'm light, no sugar. SCENE 12 Katherine The stock is at 38, the tender is at 56....Come in....Yeah, what do we do about that? Well, I just checked my three. What are yours? Uh huh, yeah, I have that one. Well, I think he's in an underwater position. All right, so that's our first and second call and then we'll see where we are....Right. I'll count the minutes. Bye....Thanks. So, Tess...a few ground rules. The way I look at it, you are my link with the outside world. People's impression of me starts with you. You're tough when it's warranted, accommodating when you can be, you're accurate, you're punctual, and you never make a promise you can't keep. I'm never on another line, I'm in a meeting. I consider us a team Tess, and as such we have a uniform: simple, elegant, impeccable. "Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." Coco Chanel. Tess Um, how do I look? Katherine You look terrific. You might want to rethink the jewelry....I want your input Tess. I welcome your ideas and I like to see hard work rewarded. It's a two-way street on my team. Am I making myself clear? Tess Yes Katherine. Katherine And call me Katherine. Tess Okay. Katherine So, let's get to work, shall we? This department's profile last year was damn pitiful. Our team has got its work cut out for it....Okay, thanks. SCENE 13 Woman Damn! I forgot my pills again! Damn! It's the third time this month! Jill, did you hear about that shot they got in Europe? Jill Yeah, they're giving it to women. Woman Yeah, to women! They're givin' it to in their arm and it's good for 5 years! I tell you, these damn pills, I'm always forgettin' em. SCENE 14 Tess I thought you might like this. Woman Why, thank you. Katherine Tess, would you come in here, please? And bring a notebook. SCENE 15 Katherine They already sold off both the paper and the printing divisions. They sell distribution, too, we're talking real scorched dirt....Come on in. Tess, this is Ginny. Ginny, Tess. Tess Hi. Katherine Being new in town, I thought I'd I throw a little cocktail thing to introduce myself to the department, and Ginny here has some great ideas. Would you jot them down? Tess Sure. Ginny The caterer is called "Acme Eats." You can get the number from information. They do the usual hors d'oeuvres and such. The "Raging Bull" has a bartender service. And the liquor store on Broadway and Liberty delivers. Got that, Bess? Tess Tess. Yeah, um, if that's the way you want to go. Katherine You have another idea? Tess Well, I was just reading a thing in "W" about dim sum, these little Chinese dumplings. There's a restaurant on Mott St. that does them for cocktail parties. Katherine Oh, I just love those little dumplings! Tess It might be more fun than the usual tidbits. I have it on my desk. I could get it. Ginny You read "W"? Tess I read a lot of things. I mean, you never know where the big ideas could come from. You know? Ginny Well, I guess you're right. If dumplings can be considered a big idea. Well, that oughta get you started... Katherine Ginny, thank you so much! Ginny It's back to the gold mines! Katherine Right....You'll set those up? Tess Right away. Katherine Dim sum Tess, I like it...contribution-wise. Keep it up! SCENE 16 Katherine Then the chief says, "We will respect your wish. We will give you an honorable death. But first, keke." Tess Excuse me. Excuse me. Dim sum? Jim So, come on Katherine. What do you say? Katherine Jim...the man who spends every weekend in August glued to his desk--now that man knows that I can't just sneak out of my own party. I'll tell you what, though. You get me in on the Southeast Air divestiture plan, I'll buy you a drink. Bottle of Crystal, two straws? Deal? Jim Okey-dokey! Tess Dim sum? Jim Hi. Katherine Thank you. What a slob. Tess You were so smooth with him. I probably would have... Katherine Never burn bridges. Today's junior prick, tomorrow's senior partner! So, how do you think the party's going? Tess Pretty well, I think. Should I stop serving now? Katherine Hmm, better make one more round. Tess Right. Katherine I'd love to help you, but...we can't busy the quarterback with passing out the Gatorade. Arnie, my hero! You've come! SCENE 17 Katherine Yep? Tess Um, I have an idea, and you said I could come to you. Katherine Shoot. Tess Well, you know how Trask Industries has been looking to buy into broadcasting? Katherine Something about the department is... Tess Working on it. Yeah. I've been following it myself, and all of a sudden I thought, "radio." Katherine Trask is looking for television stations. Tess Well so is every Tom, Dick and Harry. See, my idea is that they get their feet wet in radio and build from there. I mean, it's not as glamorous as jumping right into TV, but it's a solid place to start and there's a lot more of them for sale. Plus it would solve Trask's problem with his Japanese competitors, trying to take him over, because FCC forbids foreign ownership of radio as well as TV. Katherine Interesting. You've been...following this, you say? Tess Yeah. Katherine No chance you overheard it, say, in the elevator? Tess No. No way. Katherine Somewhere? Tess It's my idea. Katherine Good. Good. Discuss it with anyone else? Tess Nope. You think that there's something there? Katherine Well, I can think it through for you. Why don't you leave me your notes and I'll have a look-see. Tess Okay. Um, I've been trying to get into the Entre Program, and this would be a big push. I mean if anything...anything happens, you'll remember.... Katherine Absolutely, Tess. Two-way street, remember? Tess Yeah. Thank you. SCENE 18 Tess It's just, it's so exciting! I mean, she takes me seriously. And I think it's because, and I know you hate it when I say this, but I think it's because she is a woman. There's none of that chasing around the desk crap. And it's like, she wants to be my mentor, which is exactly what I needed! I mean, I feel like I'm finally gettin' somewhere, Mick. Mick Tess, that's great, but let's step on it or the pizza's gonna freeze, Honey. Come on. Tess I mean, maybe we could all go out sometime. You know, dinner in the city. You would like her, I think. SCENE 19 Katherine God, remember when all you had to do was a few buckles? Tess Yep, those were the days. I called the inn, and they said all they can give you is a ground floor single in the new wing. Katherine Did you tell them it was me? Tess Well, I said Parker. Katherine Helmut? (Katherine speaks German to the owner of the inn)....It's this tower room with a canopy bed and a fireplace big enough to stand in. Perfect. Everything's in place. Tess For what? Katherine The man I've been seeing for a while. I think he's it. And I think this could be the weekend we decide. He said that there was something very important that he wanted to discuss with me. I think he's going to pop the question. Tess You do? Katherine I think so. We're in the same city now. I've indicated that I'm receptive to an offer. I've cleared the month of June. And I am, after all, me. Tess Well, what if he doesn't pop the question? Katherine I really don't think that's a variable. Tess, you know, you don't get anywhere in this world by waiting for what you want to come to you. You make it happen. Watch me, Tess. Learn from me. Oh, by the way, you know, I ran your Trask radio idea by some of our people, it seems that Trask is dead set on television. But hey, it wasn't out in left field, either. I really liked the idea. You just keep plugging, bring me your ideas, and we'll see what we can do. Tess Thank you Katherine. Katherine Tess? Tess! Look at me. Who makes it happen? Tess I do. Katherine Who does? Tess I do. I make it happen. Katherine That's right. Only then do we get what we deserve. SCENE 20 (Katherine has a skiing accident) SCENE 21 Tess Ms. Parker's office. Hi Katherine. You what? Katherine Broke it skiing. And they won't be able to move me for at least a couple of weeks. So this is what I need you to do.... Tess Water plants, okay....Cable comes on Friday, right. Katherine Hey, easy with the leg, will you? Quit staring up my gown!...Now, I'm staying at my parent's house and the housekeeper is in Barbados for a month, wouldn't you know it. What a mess. You need to let in the flower man and the cleaning lady. Sort through the mail. The entrance code for the front door is...it's 754-3-2000. And um, I know there's more, but I can't think of what. Go through the calendar on my desk. There's a bunch of invitations to be RSVP'd....I know I'm asking an awful lot Tess, but I don't know what else to do. I need you to take over. Tess Okay. Bye. SCENE 22 Katherine Recording: "Uh, regarding those horrid little knickknacks from the Alberts, um, 'Dear Eleanor and Gary, thank you so much for the beautiful salt and pepper shakers. Not only are they the perfect housewarming gift, but it was do dear of you to think of me so far away....'" "Dear Sister, it's hard to believe, but it's been 8 years since we said good-bye to Wesley. But of course, we never really say good-bye. And on behalf of the Alumni Giving Fund, I'm writing to you to ask...." Tess (Copying Katherine): "Dear Sister, it's hard to believe it's been 8 years since we said good-bye to Wesley. But of course, we never really say good-bye. And on behalf of the Alumni Giving Fund, I'm writing to you to ask...." To ask...To ask...To ask...I'm writing to you to ask.... Katherine (Recording): "Dear Momo and Baa. Here I am back in New York living in Mummy's house while I brave the New York real estate market, looking for a place of my own. Of course, it makes me miss you all so terribly, but it will be so lovely to see you when you return from Barbados. Till then, have fun. Much love to you and of course to Claudette. Love, Kiki." "...To Jack Trainer, Dewey, Stone and Company, from me. Re: Trask Industries Radio Network acquisition. Um, hard copy on this from the home computer. Do not go through Tess." (On Computer): "Dear Jack, There's a light bulb over my head. I know Trask and you know media. And that adds up to us finally doing a deal together. Let's run with it. Best, Katherine." Tess "Two-way street. And you make it happen." SCENE 23 Mick What, no class? Tess No class. Mick Tess. This is not what it looks like. I mean, it is what it looks like, but I can explain. Well, not exactly explain.... Tess You snake! Mick Come on, Tess! I'm sorry! I really am! I love you! Come on! Come back and hit me! Please! SCENE 24 Tess Hello? Mr. Trainer's office, please...Hello, Tess McGill calling from Petty, Marsh. May I put her through? Thank you....Mr. Trainer? Hi, this Tess McGill. I work with Katherine Parker over here in Mergers and Acquisitions. I have a proposal that I would like to discuss with you. Not over the phone, though. Um, I have an opening tomorrow morning at 10:00. Okay. I'll messenger an outline over to you right now. Bye....Yes, I'm calling for Katherine Parker...In regard to your invitation. Ms. Parker is out of town, but Ms. Tess McGill will be attending in her place. Yes, thank you. Good-bye. SCENE 25 Cyndy Why does it do that? Tess For cleaning. Cyndy Are you kidding me? Tess No. SCENE 26 Cyndy What is this thing you're going to, anyway? Tess It's a closing party for the Minidyne-Dalton merger. Dewey Stone is throwing it, which is where this guy Trainer works. It's the perfect time to meet him. Mix business with pleasure. Fringe times are crucial. Cyndy Uh-huh. What did you do, snatch her invite? Tess Well, she can't use it. Besides, it's important for me to start interacting with people, not as a secretary. Cyndy But as a total impostor! Right. Tess This is it. Cyndy It needs some bows or something. Tess No. It's simple, elegant, yet makes a statement. Says to people, confident, a risk taker, not afraid to be noticed. Then, you hit 'em with your smarts! Here, shoes, I need shoes... Cyndy $6,000! It's not even leather! Tess $6,000? $6,000. Cyn, I can't breathe so good! Cyndy Oh God. Come here. Sit down. Let's see if she's got anything soothing....Valium. In the convenient economy size. Tess You sure? Cyndy It just chills you ever so slightly. You won't even notice it. SCENE 27 Cyndy Are you sure about this? Tess You want to be taken seriously, you need serious hair. SCENE 28 Man Go for the jugular! Look, I've been telling you this for three weeks! There are 19 million shares outstanding, we've got 25 percent. We get another 5 percent, we've got 'em by the throat! Woman Listen, Trainer, let's grab 'em by the balls! Man Leave our hearts at home! Woman Cut 'em off at the knees! They'll be eating out of our hands! What do you say? Jack Is anybody thirsty? Man We need this one, Trainer! You need this one! Jack Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. SCENE 29 Jack I've been looking for you. Tess Why? Do you know me? Jack No. No. But I promised myself that when I saw you, I would get to know you. You're the first woman I've seen at one of these damn things that dresses like a woman, not like a woman thinks a man would dress if he was a woman. Tess Thank you, I guess. Jack What are you doing here? Tess Actually, I'm looking for someone myself. His name is Jack Trainer. He works at Dewey, Stone. Do you know if he's here? Jack Why are you looking for him? Tess Well, because I have a meeting with him tomorrow and I thought it might be nice to say hello and get a head start. Jack Well, he uh, just left. Tess Oh. Well, I should be going myself. Jack Well, have a drink with me. Tess I can't...What's your name? Jack No. No names. No business cards. No "You must know so and so." Tess What is this? Jack No resumés. Let's just meet like human beings...for once. Tess Well, it's nice to meet you, whatever your name is, but I really do have to go. Jack Please? Please. One drink. Tess Okay, one drink. But I'm buying. Jack Okay, but it's an open bar. Tess Right. I knew that. I meant that if it wasn't, I'd be buying. Jack Yeah. Tequila gold....Doubles. Tess Tequila? Jack Yeah. I promised myself that when we met, we'd drink tequila. No Chardonay, no frog water--real drinks....These things are usually so boring. Tess I wouldn't know. Jack Power to the people. Tess The little people....Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Jack You okay? Tess Mmm, I'm fine. I'm just fine. I took a, um, antihistamine before, and it makes for a nice little buzz! Jack Oh. I didn't know that they let bad girls into these things. Tess Do I look like I don't belong here? Jack No. No. I'm sure that you're a real ace at whatever it is you do do. Tess Damn straight. Jack But how you look.... Tess I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that? Jack No. No. Mr. Turkel Hello! Hi! Tess And I have to go now! Jack Well, I'll come with you. Tess No. Mr. Turkel Hey, don't go! Hey Tess! Tess I need some air. Meet me outside. Thank you. SCENE 30 Jack Excuse me, please....Hello? Hi. Driver Hi. Jack Hello...Where do you live? Tess Hmmm, park, trees...tall building. Jack 166 Morton. Near Hudson. Driver 166 Morton. SCENE 31 Jack Might be kind of a mess. The cleaning lady keeps changing days on me. Anybody's guess. I'm just warning you 'cause...if it's the day before, it could be pretty bad....I don't notice it so much myself, but some of the people I've had over have...you know...remarked on it....It's not so bad....Would you...Would you like, uh, a nightcap?....I guess not. Uh, I guess it's too late for coffee. Herb tea? No...I don't have any...but it always sounds good when people offer it to me when I'm in your shape. I might have a little brandy myself....Boy, you sure are pretty. SCENE 32 Tess Don't fuck up. Don't fuck up. Don't fuck up....Hi, Tess McGill to see Jack Trainer. Woman May I take your coat? Tess Yes, please. Woman Gentlemen? Tess McGill. Jack Miss McGill. I'm Jack Trainer. How are you? This is, uh, John Romano and Bernie Kotar. Come in. Mr. Kotar Hello. Jack Sit down, please....Coffee? Tess Sure. Woman Milk or sugar? Tess Um, yes, both, thank you....Well, I suppose we should just get right down to it. Is that okay? Jack Sure, please. Tess I've lost my briefcase....In each of the last three quarters, Trask Industries has announced plans to acquire a major market television station, each time unsuccessfully. At the same time, they've expended time and money fighting off a hostile takeover attempt by one of their Japanese competitors. Buying into radio would, in one fell swoop, accomplish two important tasks. It would give Trask a solid base in broadcasting, and because of FCC regulations forbidding foreign ownership of radio stations, it would wipe out the threat of a Japanese takeover. Mr. Romano Interesting idea. But I don't like it. Trask has a lot of cash on their balance sheet. That's one of the big reasons they're a takeover target. And a radio station is small potatoes. I can't see him biting. Tess Well, I've already thought of that. I figured that we'd look for a radio network, one with a real high profile. And with the surplus cash, we implement a major stock repurchase. So Trask is protected and their stock goes up, and everybody's happy...or not. SCENE 33 Tess Oh, shoot me, just shoot me! Cyndy Would you cut that out? They didn't throw you out, did they? Tess Oh! Well, they don't exactly have bouncers, you know. They're a little more subtle than that, Cyn...Oh God, and last night! Cyndy Yeah. I should've checked the milligrams. Live and learn. Well, you know, maybe he'll feel sorry for you, and make it up to you doing your deal or whatever it is. Tess I'm not looking for sympathy. You know, I had a shot at it...you know! SCENE 34 Tess It's him. He's here! Cyndy Him? Where? Tess Uh, do me a favor, do me a favor. Be me. Be my secretary! Cyndy Tess! Tess Cyn, please! Do it for me? Okay! Cyndy Tess! SCENE 35 Jack Hi. Cyndy May I help you? Jack Jack Trainer to see Miss McGill. Cyndy Let's give her a shout, shall we?....You decent?....A Mr. Jack Trainer to see you, Miss McGill. Tess Thank you, Cynthia. Cyndy Hold all calls, Miss McGill? Tess Yes, Cynthia. Thank you. Cyndy Can I get you anything, Mr. Trainer? Coffee, tea, me? Tess Isn't she a riot! That'll be all, Cynthia....Why did you say you weren't you last night? Jack Because I knew what would happen. All Mergers and Acquisitions. No lust and tequila. Tess That was...I mean, that just happened, okay? I want to make it clear, um.... Jack Yes? Tess What did happen, exactly? Jack The earth moved. The angels wept....The polaroids are uh, uh, are in my other coat....Nothing happened. Nothing happened. Tess I woke up in my underwear. Jack I'll bet you looked nice. Tess Did you get me that way? Jack I, uh, I took off your shoes. I took off your dress. I put you on the bed, and I kept my eyes closed the whole time. Tess And that was it? Jack I might have peeked. I don't remember. Look, I don't have all day to hang out here and discuss your sex life. Here. Tess What's this? Jack Open it. Tess What's this for? Jack I thought you could use a better briefcase if we're gonna put this deal together. Tess You liked it? Jack It has possibilities....I want to go first to Metro Radio Systems. They're a solid, family-owned, mid-sized network in the South. They had offers before and rejected them. But the father's about to retire, and the son's just been forced out by his board of directors. A lot of squabbling--a good time to go in. Tess Okay. Jack There's just one thing we don't get, though. Why didn't you just put it together with your people here? Why'd you come to us? Tess Will you excuse me for one second? Jack Sure. SCENE 36 Ginny You're not helping me! No! Bess, my computer's down and I'm right in the middle of something. I need Katherine's office right away! Tess Sure, of course, no problem. I'll be with you in five minutes. Ginny I need it five minutes ago! Tess I'll be right with you. Ginny What's going on in there? Cyndy She's dusting. SCENE 37 Tess Jack, listen. My 1:00 is getting a little antsy, so, can I walk you to the elevator? Jack Yeah, sure. But first answer my question. Tess Right. Um...I came to you because...I wanted an ace on this. The best. Jack Mm-hm. Good thinking. Well, I'll fly down to Memphis in the morning and feel them out. Tess Absolutely. Fine. SCENE 38 Cyndy Look, everyone wants a part of the McGill mind. I'm afraid you'll just have to wait. Tess Ginny, go right in. I'll be with you in just a minute. Cyndy I don't know how much longer I can handle this. Uh, she's backed up. Ginny What are you talking about? Cyndy Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea? SCENE 39 Jack Are you free for dinner tonight? Tess No. Sorry. Jack Okay. How about tomorrow? I'll be back around 8:00. Tess I can't. Jack When, then? Tess I don't think that we should get involved that way. Jack Well, what are you talking about? What about last night? Tess Look, I'm not that girl. Last night was...special. Jack It wasn't so special! I had to carry you up three flights of stairs. Tess I meant unusual special. Look, we're in a business deal together now, and I just don't think that we should get involved that way. My life is real complicated as it is. Jack I don't want to complicate it either. I just thought dinner, maybe a movie. Tess We both know what we're talking about. Jack I certainly hope so! Tess You know, maybe I just don't like you. Jack Me? Nah! SCENE 40 Mick Are you sure she's gonna show? Cyndy It's my engagement party. She knows she's dead meat if she doesn't. Man Hi, Tess. Tess I'm real sorry I'm late. I got stuck at work. Cyndy You're gonna be out of work, you keep scamming like you are! Look, I'm nervous as hell, and I think Mick's about to drown himself in a Scotch bottle. Tess He's bad, huh? Cyndy Throw him a bone, will you? I want happy humans here tonight. SCENE 41 Mick Tess. Tess Snake. Mick You look different. Tess Yeah, well, I'm not the same pathetic trusting fool that I was a couple of days ago. It shows, huh? Bartender Hey, Tess! How you doin'? What are you havin'? Tess Stow this behind the bar for me, will you Tony? And, um, I'll have a Chivas, and buy Mick one of whatever. Bartender You got it. Mick No, I just mean the hair, the duds, and the briefcase. What's goin' on? Tess Make fun if you want. Mick No, no. You look good. Classy. What, did you have to go to traffic court or somethin'? Tess No, I just got off work. I sort of got a promotion. Mick Well, to Cyn and Tim...to you and me...to you and your promotion...to me getting a boat loan.... Tess You what?! You did?! Mick My loan was approved just this morning. Tess Oh, that is... Mick Put a down payment on Jimmy Noonan's old boat. Tess ...so great SCENE 42 Tim "Hours of fun for the entire family. Love, Tess and Mick." Thank you. Mick I put from both of us. I didn't know if you'd gotten somethin' or what....Okay, toast! We need a toast!....Thank you. Thank you....Okay, from me and Tess and everybody here...may your life together be long and happy, and may the road always rise up to meet you. Tim Hey, when are we gonna toast the two of you, Mick? Friends Yeah! Mick Shhh! Friends Yeah! Mick Well, we haven't, uh, really discussed it. I mean, not recently. Tess No. Tim You don't discuss it, boy, you just ask. Friends Yeah! That's right! Mick Here? Friends Yeah, here! Mick Now? Friends Now! Yeah! Tim On your knees, Mick! Come on! Friends Mick! Mick! Mick! Mick...! Mick Tess, will you marry me? Tess Maybe. Mick That's an answer? Tess You want another answer, ask another girl. SCENE 43 Mick You fucking humiliated us in there! Tess Well, you set us up, Mick, doing it like that! What did you expect me to do? Lie if front of all those people? Just automatically say yes? Mick Didn't know you'd have to lie! I thought maybe you would want me to ask. Tess Three nights ago, I find you in bed with Doreen. We barely have a drink and a dance and then, boom! You want an answer about the rest of my life! Mick All right, okay. Here we are, just the two of us. Will you marry me, or what?! Tess Jesus, Mick! Do we have to decide this right now? Mick I want to get things solidified. Things in my life! You're not the only one with plans, you know! Tess I said, maybe. Mick Maybe means dick! Fuck maybe! I want an answer now! Tess Please don't yell at me! You treat me like I'm dumb. Mick Why are we always talkin' about the way you get treated, huh? Who the fuck died and made you Grace Kelly?! Tess I am not steak! You can't just order me! Mick Look, I don't need this! You get your priorities straight, maybe we'll talk. Right now, we're history. SCENE 44 Tess Katherine Parker's office. Um, I'll switch you over. Cyndy Tess? It's me....I couldn't find the red shoes, but... Tess Shh! Tess McGill's office. Who's calling? One moment, please....Jack. Jack It went well in Memphis. Yeah. Really well, I think. But we're gonna have to move fast and hit 'em high. Armbrister thinks that Metro is, uh...family, and you know how that can be. He's willing to listen, but, uh...you gotta get Trask to talk sweet. He's thinkin' about 70 mil....I've been up here all night, workin' the numbers. I'd like to go over it with you. Can we meet for lunch? I mean, lunch is all right, isn't it? Daylight, a lot of people around. Is that real romantic? The souvlaki stand out in front of your place. You're in no particular danger, I think....Yeah. Meet you there around one. Tess Okay, I'll see you then. Bye. Cyndy Mick's really raw. He says he's gonna throw the rest of your stuff out. He kept me there talkin' until 5:00 this morning. Tess Oh, God, Cyn...I'm sorry....How hard would it be to crash a wedding? Cyndy What are you talkin' about? Tess Oren Trask's daughter is getting married tomorrow and there's a reception following at the Union Club. So, I figured I'd blend in...I get to Trask. I mean, how hard could that be? I also figure that the wedding party's not gonna admit that they've never seen you before. I mean, nobody knows everybody at those things, right? Cyndy Tess, wait a minute. Tess And all I need is just 5 minutes with Trask. Cyndy Tess, I'm talking to you. Tess What? Cyndy First of all, look me in the eye and tell me you're not thinkin', even in your wildest dreams, Mister Briefcase-let's-have-lunch there is gonna take you away from all of this. Tess We're doing a business deal together, that's all. Cyndy 'Cause you know goin' in you're gonna get your heart stomped! Just like you're stompin' Micks! Tess Hey, it wasn't me poppin' Doreen DiMucci in our bed, okay? How come you're all on his side? Cyndy I'm not. But you're not even givin' him the slightest chance to make it up to you, and that's not like you. Look, all I'm saying is, if you're so smart, why don't you act smart and save your ass while you still can. Else they're gonna find out, you're not gonna have your job, or any job. You're outta of your man and your home already! Tess I'm gonna come clean as soon as I get my end set up. I swear. I know what I'm doing. Cyndy Yeah, so do I. Screwin' up your life! Tess No, I'm trying to make it better! I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life working my ass off and getting nowhere just because I followed rules that I had nothing to do with setting up, okay?!....Tess McGill's office. Katherine Hello, Tess. It's your office? Tess Katherine! No! Of course it's still your office. I don't know. I was just.... Cyndy I'll see you, Tess. Tess Cyn? Cyndy Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my underwear. It doesn't make me Madonna. Never will. Katherine Um...are you there? Tess Yes, Katherine. SCENE 45 Katherine Don't get too used to those long lunches, Tess. They're letting me go a week from today. Tess A week from today? Isn't that a little faster than you thought? Katherine Well, the doctor says I've got great bones. Of course, his aren't too bad either!....Anyway, I need you to summarize the Baron Oil prospectus... Skier Hello, Miss Katherine. Katherine Hi, Schatz! ...and uh, send that along to me along with the last two quarterly reports. You are a sport. Tess Yes, I'm a sport. Katherine Thank you, Tess, so much. I'll talk to you again soon. Tess Okay. Bye. SCENE 46 Jack So what kind of figures have you been throwing out? Tess Well, no exact figures yet. Jack Well, what's their ballpark? Tess Well, I wanted to get them excited about the concept before I start throwing actual figures at them. Jack Well, are they excited? Tess They're going to be. Jack Well, wait a minute. I've been working on this thing for 36 hours straight, trying to put this thing together. I got a progress meeting with my...the head of my department at 2:00. Now where the hell exactly are we?! Tess Don't yell at me! Jack Hey. Answer me! Tess Well, I uh, as a matter of fact, am gonna see Trask himself tomorrow. I feel that we're strong enough to go right to him. Jack Oh. All right. Where are we meeting him? What time? Tess He's not expecting both of us. Jack Are you trying to fly this thing without me?! Tess No! I wouldn't do that. Jack You go and set up this meeting without me. What does...what does that say? What the hell kind of way to do business is this?! Tess Would you calm down? Jack How am I supposed to calm down? One lost deal is all it takes to get canned there days. Look, the line buttons on my phone all have an inch of little pieces of tape piled on. The names of new guys over the names of old guys, good men who aren't at the other end of their line anymore, all 'cause of one lost deal. I don't want to get buried under a little piece of tape. Tess No one's trying to bury you under a little piece of tape. Jack Okay, so I've been in a little bit of a slump. I'm not afraid to admit it. There it is. Look, give me a break here. Don't go leading me on. If you've got some doubts about me, say 'em to my face. Give me that much. Tess I don't have any doubts about you. Jack Okay. You need me...you know. Tess I mean, any doubts about your ability. Jack You need me at that meeting. SCENE 47 Jack Is he jet-lagged from somewhere, or he just lunches late? Tess Huh? Jack 3:00 is a late lunch. Tess Well, it's not exactly lunch, but there will be food there, though. Jack What's the story, Tess? Tess It's his daughter's wedding. Jack That's the meeting? Tess Well, it's the perfect opportunity. He's happy, he's had a little champagne, we look for an opening. Trust me. Jack What are we supposed to do, jump out of the wedding cake? Tess Don't be silly. SCENE 48 Guard #1 Come in, man. Come in. Welcome. Come in. Guard #2 Welcome to our party. Come in. Hostess Hello! Nice to see you. Do you know which table you're at? Jack Uh, no. Tess Oh, I see Phyllis. Come on. SCENE 49 Trask Glad you could make it. Oren and Barbara Trask. Tess Tess McGill. What a great idea. Jack Jack Trainer. Tess It's so nice to see you again. Trask Hi. Jack Hello. Trask Well, the kids thought it would, uh, be fun. Jack Oh, it's beautiful. Barbara You must be friends of Mark's. Tess Right. Trask Well, let's get you over there. Tess Actually, I really should go powder my bathroom...nose. Um, darling, will you wait here? Jack Oh, sure. Tess Us, so nice...See you later. Jack I think I'll get a drink. Trask Oh, Bunny! SCENE 50 Tess Get a grip, get a grip, Tess. Get a grip. Jack We're not even invited to this thing, are we? Tess Okay, so we were not exactly invited. But he's here, and we're here, so that make us... Jack Total idiots! Tess ...in the right place at the right time. Jack You're like one of those crazed cops, aren't you? The kind nobody wants to ride with! Whose partners all end up dead or crazy. Tess Just act like you belong. Phyllis Oh. Do you love it, or do you hate it? Tess Love it. Phyllis So do I! But Mark says it looks like Nicaragua and that we're making some kind of statement. Tess Oh no! It, it's just like paradise. It's like a paradise with little gold palm trees. Phyllis Thank you. Tess You're welcome. Phyllis I hope I'm not being rude, but...who are you? Tess I'm Tess. I'm a friend of Mark's. I'm just so happy that I could...be here for you...today. Jack Glorious! Fabulous! Stunning, really. Super! Elegant! Perfect! SCENE 51 Tess You're right. This is crazy, so let's just go. Jack Excuse me. The woman that's dancing with Oren, what's her name? Bridesmaid Oh...oh, Elizabeth Stubblefield. Jack That's right! Uh, Liz? Beth? Bridesmaid Bitsy. Jack Bitsy! That's right. Tess Jack? Jack You wanna do it...do it. SCENE 52 Jack Excuse us. Bitsy, don't break my heart and tell me you don't remember me. Bitsy Of course I do! Jack Excuse us. Tess Talk about a small world, huh?....I mean, here we've just met and yet I feel as though I've spent so much time working with you. Trask Hmm? Tess In a way. I'm in Mergers and Acquisitions at Petty, Marsh. Trask Oh..well, I really wish you were having more luck with your team. Tess Well, so do I. So do I. I've been trying to set you up with a radio network, but my bosses, they think that you're just stuck on acquiring television and won't even listen. Trask Well, that's not true. Tess Well, that's what I said. I said that the man who in 1971 looked into the future and saw that it was named microwave technology, the man who applied Japanese management principles while the others were still kowtowing to the unions... Trask Mm-hm. Tess ...the man who saw the Ma Bell break-up coming from miles away...I mean, this man did not get to be this man, you, I mean, by shutting himself off to new ideas. Am I right, or am I right? Trask Well, I think you're right. Tess You're damn straight I'm right! Trask If you've got the right property, I'd love to hear about it. Tess You would? Trask Well, absolutely! Hostess There she is. Trask Well, what...wha? Hostess There she is, darling. Tess Umm..um, you know, I really, I just realized that I...I'm hogging the father of the bride, and I see Phyllis coming in. Well, what do you say I give you a call on Monday? Trask Well, our media consultant is Tim Draper. Tess Tim, right. Jack Honey, I'm starved. Tess So am I. Bye. Trask Bye. Jack Bye. SCENE 53 Tess Go ahead and laugh. He wants us to meet with his people first thing Monday, so.... Jack Oren Trask? The man who said, "What if we sliced the bread before we sold it?" Tess Yeah, all right. Jack No, no, no, I loved it! I had fun. And you were amazing. Tess You think so? Jack Amazing. SCENE 54 Jack The, uh, the Fort Worth station...projected revenue should read up 8 percent, not 6. And where it says, uh...the FCC ruling on, um...Metro's Memphis transmitter is pending, that's outdated. FCC approved it Friday. Doubles the signal reach...ups the station's value by 30 percent....And now back to our regularly scheduled programming. Tess I guess we're ready. SCENE 55 Jack Trainer and McGill. Woman Yes. Top of the stairs. Jack Thank you. SCENE 56 Tess Are we waiting for Mr. Trask? Draper Mr. Trask doesn't sit in at this level. Tess Of course he doesn't. Here's the way we see it. Trask Industries has two important needs to meet at this point in time. Jack By acquiring Metro Radio Network, you nail two birds with one stone, except the proposal... Draper Excuse me, do you, do you have any other proposals besides Metro? Tess No. Why? Jack Metro's a terrific opportunity. Draper Well, I'm sure it is, but a Chicago group just put a bear hug on Metro this morning, and the company's in play. Tess Just this morning? Jack Who? Draper The Slade brothers. Trask isn't aiming at radio anyway. We certainly don't want to get into a bidding war. Tess A moment, please...Armbrister looks at Metro as if it were part of his family. He cares who he's selling to. Jack Yes. And he holds the majority of the stock. Look, if the Slades are uninvited, and I'm sure they are...and Armbrister and Trask can agree on a deal, then we won't have a war. If I can get Armbrister up here, will Trask take the meeting? Draper A lot of ifs. We really don't want to get involved. Tess Twenty-four hours. Draper Sorry. Not interested. (Telephone rings)...Yes, sir? All right, sir...Yes, he'll take the meeting. Tess That was Mr. Trask? Draper Yes, it was. Tess How did he know? Draper He knows everything. Tess Hmm. SCENE 57 Jack Thanks a lot. Delivery Boy Thanks. Tess How did you get this scar? Jack Some guy pulled a knife in Detroit. Tess Really? Jack No. No. I was nineteen and I thought it would be cool to have a pierced ear. My girlfriend stuck the needle through and I heard this pop and fainted and hit my chin on the toilet. Tess Have you been telling that story ever since? Jack You're the only one who knows the true story. Tess Except the girlfriend. Jack I had her, uh...disappear. It's too bad. Nice girl. Real shame. Tess Jack? Jack Hmm? Tess There's something that I have to tell you. *Telephone rings. Jack Hello...Hi...I know. No, uh...can't wait. Uh...uh, oh yeah, okay. Well, call me when you get in. Okay. Uh...m-me too. Okay, 'bye. 'Bye....Okay. There's this woman. It's over. But technically it's not. I just haven't got a chance to break if off yet. Tess It's okay. You don't have to explain. Jack No, really. Look, we were supposed to go away...together a couple of weeks ago and I was gonna tell her then. But I had to work straight through the weekend and I never got there. It's just a...a timing thing....It's just, she broke her leg skiing and was laid up and I couldn't see doing it over the phone. You know...kicking somebody when they're down. I wouldn't have mentioned it, except...she's in your department at Petty. You mentioned her the first time you called. Tess Uh...Katherine? Jack Parker, yeah....Now what did you wanna tell me? Huh? Tess Oh, it's not important. SCENE 58 Clerk One hundred twenty, even. Tess Twenty...thirty...forty...there. Okay. Clerk Oh, Miss! Miss! You forgot your book. Tess Thank you very much. SCENE 59 Katherine Oh...Tess! It's me! I'm back! Thanks! Oh! Oh God! Attendant She took a muscle relaxant for the flight down. Katherine Oh, let's all have one, shall we? Attendant I don't think so. Katherine Oh, telephone! I need a telephone! Oh, Tess, take care of the bags. I'll meet you at the car. "Oh, Tannebaum! Oh, Tannebaum!" Oh, I love these pills. Are there any more? (On telephone): Just for a minute, Jack. Please? I must see you, darling. My apartment in one hour, and I won't take no for an answer. No, I won't take no for an answer. SCENE 60 Katherine Oh, I'm home! I'm home! I'm home! Oh!...Oh...God! Did you happen to see this? Tess What is it? Katherine It's an outline of your idea for a Trask radio acquisition. Tess Oh? Katherine I was planning to send it over to Jack Trainer to have a look. I thought I'd give your idea one last go-around. It just occurs to me, looking at it, that it reads as though it were my idea. You see, Jack got burned once. He was accused of stealing a plan for taking a company private. He's very sticky about the ethics of reviewing other people's formative strategies. He wouldn't have looked at it if I'd said it was from a colleague and I couldn't very well say it was a secretary's notion. Anyway, the point is, Tess, that I'm still trying to get you heard. Tess Oh. Katherine What am I saying? If you had seen it, you simply would have asked me about it. Trust....I'll need help bathing and changing. SCENE 61 Katherine" Oh, I need something to cover this cast. There's an Afghan on the chair....Perfect. Tess If that'll be all.... Katherine Oh, and some perfume. Uh, Shalimar...on the dresser...He loves Shalimar. Tess He, who? Katherine Jack Trainer, who. He's on his way over. Tess I have to go. Doctor's appointment. Katherine Oh, one last thing? Run down to the drugstore and get me my pills? Tess I really have to go. Katherine The doctor will understand. Thanks. SCENE 62 Jack Uh, keep the change. SCENE 63 Katherine Who is it? Jack It's Jack. SCENE 64 Jack Katherine? Katherine In the bedroom....Jack! Jack Katherine. Oh.... Katherine Boy, did I ever miss you! Jack Does it hurt? Katherine Look at you. Jack You said it was urgent, Kath. Katherine I'd forgotten how damn handsome you are. Jack Oh...thanks. Look, uh...I meant what I said. I really am swamped and I... Katherine Boy, some welcome home. I haven't even gotten a kiss....Um, there's some champagne in the little fridge. You wanna get it for us? Jack Sure. And then...then I really do have to go....Where are the glasses? Katherine Try the dishwasher. Jack Here you are. Katherine Mmm....You know I love you, Jack....You know that. Jack Katherine, I really do have to get going. Katherine These past few weeks, I've heard this funny little sound way deep down inside. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. My biological clock. Jack Big deal going. Principals are all meeting at two... Katherine And I've been thinking. Let's merge. You and I. Think of it, darling. Mr. and Mrs. Fabulously Happy. Jack Katherine, it's really not a good time to talk. Katherine You're right. Can Big Jack come out to play? Jack Kath! Little Jack really has to get going. Katherine Little Katie's been so lonely. Jack No! No! No! Katherine Jack! What is it? Jack Kath, there's something I have to tell you. There's...There's someone else and I... Katherine There's someone else? Jack Some else that I have to be meeting with right now. Big deal going. Can't be in two places at the same time. Talk to you later. 'Bye. SCENE 65 Tess Here we are. Okay, I've got to run. Sorry, 'bye. Katherine Tess, you forgot your n...notebook....That...little....slut! That...goddamn little bitch...secretary! SCENE 66 Tess Hi. I'm meeting...Uh, I have a meeting with Mr. Trask. Guard Yes, your name, please? Tess Tess McGill. Guard All right, it's at the top of the stairs. Tess Thank you. SCENE 67 Receptionist Miss...McGill? Tess Yes. Receptionist Good afternoon. Let me take your coat. Tess Thank you. Receptionist This way, please. Tess Thank you. SCENE 68 Jack Hi. Tess Hi. Is everything okay? Jack Yeah, yeah. You're the only one from Petty here so far. What's going on? Tess Flying solo on this. Jack Good. Old Armbrister and Trask are over there in the corner. We're all waiting to see what color smoke comes out of the chimney. Tess Tell me something. If a colleague of mine had a strategy that they needed help with, would you look at it if I asked you to? Jack Yeah, sure. Tess No ethics problem? You know, open to accusations about stealing? Jack I look at stuff all the time. Nobody's ever accused me of stealing. Tess Uh-huh. Jack What's it about? Tess Um...I don't know. I'm so nervous, I can't stand still. Jack You'll be fine...I love you. Tess I love you, too. SCENE 69 Businessman Gentlemen? Trask There was a story on the news last night showing life imitating an old children's riddle. It seems that a truck got stuck at the entrance to the Holland Tunnel. Too high for the clearance. Well, for hours, the experts tried to find some way to unwedge the vehicle, but to no avail. Finally, a ten-year-old girl in a passing car suggested simply letting the air out of the truck's tires, thus lowering it to the clearance level, which they did. And it worked. Well, by letting some of the air out of our strategy to expand into broadcasting, Miss McGill and Mr. Trainer have effectively shown all of us here at Trask the light at the end of our tunnel. Armbrister Oh, gentlemen, uhh, and ladies, I've decided to sell Mr. Trask the Metro Radio System for sixty-eight point five million dollars in cash and securities. Now, of course, this is, uh, an agreement in principle. As to what constitutes principles in this day and age, I'm gonna leave that up to you barracudas to squabble over. SCENE 70 Katherine I'm certain they'll want to hear this! Receptionist Miss, this is a closed meeting and you can't...! Katherine Thank God I'm here! Trask What the hell is going on? Katherine You're being tricked! That's what's going on. Jack Katherine! What are you...? Katherine Jack, just trust me and sit down! My name is Katherine Parker and I'm an associate partner in Mergers and Acquisitions at Petty, Marsh. And this woman is my secretary! Jack She is not! Katherine Oh, no?! Ask her. Jack You're not her secretary! Tess I can explain, Jack. Jack Oh, Jesus. You are her secretary. Katherine While I was laid up with broken bones, she rifled through my desk, found my memo outlining a Trask radio acquisition and has been passing it off as her own idea. Tess It was my idea! She stole it from me! I swear! Katherine Good God, Tess. Don't you know when to stop? Tess But you're lying! Katherine Oh!...Thank you....Oh, thank you. Thank you all so much. The up-side is that I have found out in time to control the damage. We have containment and we have a deal on the table. I say...pass me a set of papers and let's get on with it. Trask Who's running this thing? Jack Just a second, please. Wha...? Tess I know you don't believe me, but...Oh, it doesn't matter. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Jack Well, gentlemen...the players may have changed, but the game remains the same, and the name of the game is "Let's Make a Deal." If you'll all turn to page twenty-two in your prospectus, I'd like to take you through the terms of transferal. SCENE 71 Tess Well, they did it. Mick Yeah..they sure did. Tess You really look great. How are you? Mick Good. Good. Business is great and uh... Doreen Mick, did you see me? I caught it one-handed...Oh, hi. Tess Hey, Doreen. Mick And my boat's booked through three weeks from now. Doreen's working the lines for me. Tess That's great. Really. Mick So how's life in the fast lane? Tess Well, um...fast. It's real fasts and busy and....It's good to see you, Mick. I guess I better...get.... Mick Yeah, it's good to see you, too. SCENE 72 Secretary #1 Cyn told us about what happened. It really bites the big one, Tess. Really. Secretary #2 We took up a little collection. Tess Thanks. Secretary #2 It's not much. It's just enough to go out and get toasted some night when you really need it. Don't say no. We really wanted to. And no paying the Con Ed with it. Tess Okay, thanks. Secretary #3 So what are you gonna do now, huh? Tess Oh, you know. Start all over. Find a job, a place to live. And just wise up and not take the whole thing so seriously. I'll be okay. 'Bye. Secretary #2 'Bye, sweetie. Tess Thank you. Secretary #2 Miss you. Tess Thanks. Secretary #4 So long, Tess. Secretary #5 Good luck! Secretary #6 'Bye, Tess. Tess 'Bye. Don't work too hard. Secretary #7 Good-bye, Tess. Tess 'Bye. SCENE 73 Man Sorry. Tess Shit! Jack I've been trying to find you. Tess Just leave me alone. Jack Just one thing. Was you and me just part of the...scheme, too? Tess No! Look, if I told you I was just some secretary, you never would've taken the meeting. I mean, think about it. Maybe you would've fed me a few drinks and then tried to get me into the sack. End of story. Jack That's not true. Tess Are you sure about that? Can you honestly tell me that it wouldn't have made a difference? I mean, who's fooling who here? Katherine What's this? More stolen files? Tess No, it's my stuff from the desk. Katherine Your stuff? Now there's a broad term. Tess No, it's my stuff. Look, you, maybe you can fool these guys with this saint act that you've got down, but don't you ever speak to me again like we don't know what really happened! You got me?! Katherine Tess, this is business. Let's just bury the hatchet. Okay? Tess You know where you can bury your hatchet?! Now get your bony ass out of my sight! (To Jack): And if you really think that I said I loved you as part of scheme, then that is really pathetic...you know?! Katherine My God, she'll stop at nothing. SCENE 74 Trask What the hell kind of show are you people running here? Katherine Oren, I'm sorry you've had to see this, but it means nothing to us. Jack, let's get upstairs. Jack Not without her. Katherine Jack! Trask Trainer...are you trying to blow this deal? Jack No, sir. I'm trying to make sure that it gets done right. Tess is this team's leader. She put this deal together. We shouldn't proceed without her. Trask And you shouldn't go letting your Johnson make business decisions for you. Jack I'm not, sir. I'm telling you, she's your man. Trask Oh? And what brings you to that conclusion? Jack She said so, and I believe her. Trask I'm afraid that's not good enough. Now are you with us or not? Jack No. Katherine Jack, I forgive you. Now get on this elevator. Jack Sorry, Katherine. Katherine You will be sorry, Jack. Tess Ask her to tell about the hole in your deal. Trask What hole? Katherine Oren, she's just playing games again. Let's get going. Tess Fine. Go. Trask No. What hole? Tess Look? Katherine The People Page? Now this is ridiculous. Messenger Come on, you guys. Katherine "Former Miss America Dawn Bixby has been house-hunting here. Seems Dawn and hot, hot, hot D.J. hubby Slim Slicker are getting ready to take a bite out of the Big Apple." Businessman Slim Slicker. Katherine So? Jack Slim Slicker's one of Metro's major assets. Syndicated to all their stations. Number one in his slot. The cornerstone of their programming. Tess You lose him, and Metro's just some okay real estate with falling ratings. And you're not exactly buying it for a write-off. Jack Better make sure he's locked in before they sign anything. Katherine Oren, I have this covered. Upstairs. Shall we? Messenger Yes. Katherine Oren! SCENE 75 Jack Hear the lady out, sir. There's another elevator. Trask Fine. Jack You're on. Tess Okay. See, this is Forbes. It's just your basic article about how you were looking to expand into broadcasting, right? Okay now, the same day, I'll never forget this. I'm reading page six of the Post, and there's this item on Bobby Stein, the radio talk show guy who does all those gross jokes about Ethiopia and the Betty Ford Center. Well, anyway, he's hosting this charity auction that night...real blue bloods, and won't that be funny? Now turn the page to Suzy, who does the society stuff, and there's this picture of your daughter. Trask Ah. Tess See, nice picture. And she's helping to organize the charity ball. So I started to think, "Trask, radio...Trask, radio." And then I hooked up with Jack, and he came on board with Metro, and...and so now here we are. SCENE 76 Katherine Oren, we really don't have any more time for fairy tales. Trask Well, Miss Parker...let me ask you a question. How did you come up with the idea for Trask to buy up Metro? Katherine How did I, uh...? Well, let's see, the, um... Trask The impulse. What led you to put the two together? Katherine Well, you know, I would have to check my files. I can't recall exactly the, um... Trask Oh, generally. It's not as if it was in the mainstream. Katherine You know, it would have to be the, um...Jack...help me out here....Oren, I beg your pardon, but if you are insinuating... Trask Miss Parker, if I were you...I'd go to your office and take a long last look around. Because in about five minutes, I'm going to see to it that you get the boot...but good! Katherine Oren, this is a simple misunderstanding, and I...You cannot... Trask I can and I will! Now get your...(To Tess): What did you call it? Tess & Jack Bony ass. Trask Right. Bony ass out of my sight! Katherine I'm sorry...but I simply won't stand for that kind of talk. Will you excuse me, please? SCENE 77 Trask Why didn't you tell us all this in the board room that day? Tess Well, no one was gonna listen, sir, not to me. I mean, you can bend the rules plenty, once you get upstairs, but not while you're trying to get there. And if you're someone like me, you can't get there without bending the rules. Trask Mmm. You've got a real fire in your belly. Or was this just a one-time stunt that you pulled? Tess I'm not sure what you mean. I have something in my belly, but I think it's nervous knots. Trask I mean, are you willing to go out on that limb every day, working for me? Legitimately? Tess Yes, sir. Trask Have to be right at the entry level. Any problem with that? Tess No, sir. Trask Gumption, Miss McGill. Tess Yes, sir. Trask See you tomorrow. Tess Okay. Trask Trainer, Dwayne...let's go back to my office and see about this Slim what's-his-name's contract. Jack Be right with you, sir. Secretary #2 Way to go, Tess! Way to go! Secretary #1 Beauty! SCENE 78 Tess Thank you. Jack For you. You like it? Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Milk money. Twinkies. Pen, pencil, ruler. Apple for the teacher. Now remember...play nice with the other kids...and make sure you're home before dark. SCENE 79 Man #1 I sold her three options. Man #2 I sold her two. Man #1 What are you gonna do? Tess Hi. Tess McGill. Receptionist Good morning. Tess Good morning. Receptionist The director is out sick today, so she'll want to see you first thing tomorrow. Tess Mm-hmm. Receptionist Um...Miss Baxter's already up there. She'll show you the layout. Tess Okay. Receptionist It's all the way at the end of the hall. Tess All right. Thank you. Receptionist You're welcome. SCENE 80 Alice (On telephone): Anybody's gonna be an improvement over that terrorist...I mean, just something semi-human. (To Tess): Oh! I didn't hear you come in. I'm Alice Baxter. Tess Tess McGill. Alice I was just...using the phone. Tess Yes, well...that happens. Alice How 'bout some coffee? Tess Sure. Just tell me where. Alice No, I'll get it. Um...oh...how? Tess Milk and sugar, please. Thank you. Alice Uh...Miss McGill? Tess Yes? Alice That's your desk. In there. Tess I don't think so. Alice Oh, yes. I sit out here. Tess I'm sorry. I thought the secretary would sit out here. Alice That's right. I'm the secretary. If it's okay, I prefer "assistant." SCENE 81 Alice You've got a ten o'clock meeting with Slater from Development, here. Eleven o'clock with Donahue from Logistics...his office is on twenty-three, and lunch with Mr. Trask, his office downtown, one o'clock. It's all right there on the computer. Just hit shift-S for your schedule. Tess Um...when I saw you...in here on the phone with your feet up, I figured this was your office. Alice I'm sorry about that, Miss McGill. It won't happen again, ever. Tess It's okay. Alice Maybe now would be good time to go over what you expect of me. Tess Um...I, uh...I expect you to call me Tess. I don't expect you to fetch me coffee unless you're getting some for yourself. And, um...the rest we'll just make up as we go along. Okay? Alice Okay. I'll be...right outside if you need anything. Tess Fine. SCENE 82 Tess Cyn...guess where I am? Cyn You got out! Oh, my God! I can't believe it! She's out! She made it out! She got out! She has her own office!